


Telson

by lmc_TicDonPete



Series: Conversation [4]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depressed Peter Parker, Depressing, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, References to Depression, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Therapy, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-22 08:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17056517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmc_TicDonPete/pseuds/lmc_TicDonPete
Summary: Tony gets Peter a therapist on May’s behalf. Of course, he didn’t know how quickly everything had gone to hell. Or how slowly Peter’s mind was rotting.Peter meets Mister (doctor) Telson on a raining Tuesday. His shoes were muddy and soaking, but the man didn’t say anything. The older man wore a black button up, black dress pants and a black coat, and for a moment, Peter wondered how an emo was supposed to help a depressed kid.





	Telson

**Author's Note:**

> Fourth installment in the ‘Conversation’ series. 
> 
> All of you have been so supportive and loving, and I just want to thank you. This part of the series is dedicated to someone who helped me very much, and I’ll forever remember him, even if he won’t remember me.
> 
> This one is kinda short, I’m really sorry everyone :(

“Hello, Peter. My name is Mr. Telson, well, Dr. Telson if you’d like to be formal.”

“I’m Peter- but I guess you already, uh, knew that.”

“Mhm, but that’s quite alright, I’m not here to tell you what to say or do.”

“Technically you are. You ask me questions of what you want to hear. Right?”

“Kinda. I don’t tell you how to answer them, though. I won’t specify what type of answer I’m looking for at all. This is about you.”

“I don’t want to be here. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Trust me, Peter, everyone says that.”

“I’m not surprised. I’m sorry, I’m being rude."

“Yet, they come back every week, don’t they? And its quite alright, I’ve heard worse than you.”

”Yeah, sure.”

”Will you come back every week?”

”May and Tony said only if I wanted to.”

”So, they have you a lot of room to work with, huh?”

”They don’t want to pressure me.”

”Well that’s good, isn’t it?”

”I guess.”

”You guess, or you know?”

”Therapists are supposed to be nice. Not sarcastic. Trust me, I have enough sarcasm in my life as it is.”

”Therapists aren’t payed to be nice. We’re payed to help people like you.”

”So, help me.”

”I intend to.”

”Mm.”

”What’s your favorite color?”

”Purple.”

”Ooh, good choice. I would have chosen blue, personally.”

”That’s nice too.”

”I’m glad you agree, however I think purple is an excellent choice as well.”

“Thanks.”

”No problem. So, favorite movie?”

“Star Wars... then Crimson Peak.”

”That's a stark contrast between genres. I mean, we have Star Wars, a sci-fi classic incredibly made-“

”Then there’s Crimson Peak, a dark and twisted drama that makes you want to puke.”

”Indeed, it’s interesting how completely different things can attract us just the same. Personally, I like Ordinary People.”

”Why? Because there's a therapist in it? You learn pointers from him, cause I can see the resemblance."

”No, that’s not why I like it at all, but that was a good try.”

”Why do you like it then?”

”I think it’s a work of art. The actors were able to capture such emotion into their work. It’s unbelievable.”

”You make everything sound smart.”

”Does that bother you?”

”A little.”

”A little? How? Elaborate on that.”

”Well... i-it’s not like I resent it or something. It’s not a bad thing.”

”But it still bothers you?”

”I-I guess. It just sounds like you aren’t even trying, but you’re still able to sound so put together and prepared. It’s like everyone I hang out with has a comeback for anything. They don’t even have to try.”

”And you do.”

”Yeah, exactly!”

”Can you give me an example?”

”Like-like at school, for instance. When F-Flash comes up to Ned and I.”

”I presume Flash isn’t your friend.”

”Oh gosh no! He hates us. Hates me.”

”But he has more confidence to step to you, and Ned. Therefor he...”

”No, no, he’s not the one I’m talking about. It’s Ned. Everyone thinks Ned and I are, like, the same person, but we really aren’t.”

”How so?”

”At first glance he seems so weak and geeky, but when Flash comes to mess with us, it’s like something switches on. The second the words ‘Penis Parker’ exit Flash’s mouth, Ned’s quick to defend me. I don’t get it. I sit there like a blubbering fool while he practically scares off the meanest person I’ve ever known.”

”Does it bother you that Ned stands up for you? Does it make you feel useless, in a way? That you need someone else to defend you.”

”A-A little? Maybe, I don’t know. I just think sometimes,if I didn’t have Ned, all of this would be way worse.”

”Elaborate on that last statement. You think this whole situation would be worse, yeah? Even if only one person was removed from the picture.”

”Well, yeah. Ned-... he protects me. And sometimes I hate it, but I think I should be thankful for it, but I just can’t! He keeps the bad guys away from Peter Parker, but the second I put my suit on, it’s Spider-Man protecting Ned Leeds! If I can’t protect him as Peter, how can I protect him as Spider-Man?”

”Because Spider-Man is another person. He isn’t Peter Parker, the normal teenager, is he?”

”No, no. He’s... he’s invincible. Nothing scares him- nothing! He makes quirky comments and puns, beats up bad guys and has _style_. Peter Parker can’t walk with his head up, can’t even speak, let alone stand up for himself.”

”As Peter, you have Ned as a security blanket. Wouldn’t you agree that you two have a mutual protection over each other? Ned protects Peter, Spider-Man protects Ned. That would be considered fair.”

”Spider-Man protects everyone, Ned protects the one.”

”But its all the same. New York’s in danger, Ned’s in danger. Spider-Man saves New York, therefor, Spider-Man saves Ned. It’s not how you protect each other, it’s just the fact that you do.”

”I guess, but I feel bad.”

”You feel bad because Ned sacrifices more than you think you’re worth.”

”I feel bad, just let me feel bad! You can’t tell me how to feel!”

”I’m not, I’m sorry it came off that way. Was I correct in assuming you feel bad about having Ned sacrifice too much for you? You don’t think your worth it.”

”I’m angry. I’m really angry and I feel bad and I just want to keep feeling bad and angry. I need to keep feeling bad.”

”As punishment. For forcing people to give up personal fights to save you.”

”If I don’t feel bad, I don’t feel anything at all and I’d rather feel like shit then be numb every other fucking day! Let me feel bad!”

”I can’t let you feel bad over something you can’t control. People love you, Peter. They adore you, that’s why they sacrifice so much for you.”

”No. It’s pity, they pity the depressed kid because if they don’t he’ll end up dead. Ned protects me because if he doesn’t I’ll be gone.”

“What about Mr. Stark, or May? They give you lots of support, do you feel bad for them?”

”Of course I do! Tony gave me everything! I’m me because of him. He gave me my suit and trains me, because if he doesn't Spider-Man will be forgotten.”

”You don’t want to be forgotten.”

”Who does?”

”Well, offing yourself sure is a start into that direction. So, wouldn’t you want to be forgotten because you wouldn’t be a burden on your friends and family anymore?”

”I-...”

”I’m not trying to influence your thought process, I’m just honestly interested.”

”I don’t want to talk anymore.”

”That’s okay, we’ll move onto something else. A snack break, perhaps?”

”O-okay.”

”Calm down, Peter. What happens in here, stays in here.”

”Mhm.”

”No, we can’t do that here. Words only, not mumbling, no humming. Speak clearly, so I can hear. You did it earlier and I ignored it.”

”Yes, Sir.”

”I don’t want to be your enemy, Peter. Just understand my reasoning.”

”Yes, Sir.”

”Okay, let's see. I have chips, cookies, oatmeal, apples and coffee. What would you like?”

”A-anything’s fine.”

”I’ll just bring a few items over and let you snack on whatever you care for.”

”Thank you.”

”It’s no problem, Peter. I’ll just be over here at my desk, tell me if you need anything.”

”Okay.”

”...”

”How long do we have left?”

”Twenty minutes.”

”Okay.”

”Anything else?”

”Can... can you talk about yourself? Anything, just- anything.”

”Sure. Well, let’s see. I’m twenty-seven, born and raised in Florida but I moved up here to further my degree in child physiology.”

”Are you married?”

”Happily.”

”What’s she like?”

”Well, he’s very handsome.”

”Oh, I’m sorry.”

”For?”

”Assuming.”

”Oh, it’s quite alright. I don’t exactly give it away, and no one usually asks. Thank you for apologizing though, I appreciate it.”

”You’re welcome. I should have been more considerate.”

”It’s quite alright.”

”...”

”Is something the matter?”

”You get paid to ask that question.”

”Just trying to figure out as much as I can, and for the first time together, I’d say I’m making great progress. Now, is something wrong that I need to address immediately.”

“I just... I need help.”

”Maybe so, it’s a matter of perspective.”

”Anyone who looks at me can clearly tell I’m not okay. I’m not normal. I’m broken, my head is rotting.”

”Some may look at you and think you are normal. Others may think you’re unable to receive help. Some think you just need a push in the right direction. Many believe you need a complete mental restart.”

”Where are you on that spectrum?”

“If I’m honest, I’m between you need a push, and a restart. I won’t lie, Peter, you’re in a dangerous predicament.”

”I could die at any moment and be okay with it.”

”Exactly. Anything could happen and you’d accept it because that’s the stage you’re at. You aren’t just some depressed, suicidal kid, Pete. You don’t need a push, you need to be led along the way.”

”I want to die most nights, but sometimes I don’t.”

”You almost went through with it the other night, is what I was told.”

”Ha, May wouldn’t let me be alone after that.”

”You find that funny?”

”I think it’s stupid. I won’t kill my self. I won’t.”

”But you want to.”

”Desperately.”

”What’s stopping you? I could leave this pen on the table and you could stab yourself to death, but you won’t.”

”I can’t leave May, Ned and Tony like that.”

”But you were going to.”

”I know.”

”Do you understand? That’s why you’re here.”

”I know.”

”You want to die, Peter.”

”More than anything.”

”Peter?”

”Yeah?”

”You want to die.”

”I know. I'm scared. I want to die.”

Suddenly, the cool leather couch Peter was lounging on became as cold as ice. The tension in the room became so much thicker, and the darkness of the room grew and grew. 

The illness overtaking Peter’s brain doubled in size, and his usually bright and beautiful mind turned cold and dead, and he realized that he had lied. He wanted to die for sure. All the time, everyday. Not sometimes. He wanted to die, needed to. If he didn’t die he’d grow old and become nothing but the man who dressed up and pretended to be special.

He wasn’t special.

If he killed himself, his school would have everyone cram into the gym and talk about how mental health is important. Flash might feel bad, Ned might cry and MJ might even reconsider all her sarcastic or rude comments she ever made to him, even if it seemed as though they didn’t bother him.

May would grieve immensely. She would cry every night and she wouldn’t eat as much. She’d never go into Peter’s room and would refuse to watch television or use her phone. At the funeral she wouldn’t talk, and only a few people could come. She’d invite Ned, MJ, Happy and Tony. No one else would come.

Tony would blame himself. He’d say to himself every morning when he wakes up that it’s his fault for not seeing it sooner or not helping. He’d drink a lot, sleep a lot and not go down to his lab for a long time. He’d cry more than he would eat, and Pepper would try and help him but it would do no good. He’d mope around the tower for months, and maybe wish it was him instead of Peter. He’d say Peter was too young, too innocent.

Mj wouldn’t cry, she wouldn’t mope. She’d say she was alright when she really wasn’t and one day she would break. She’s gush to Ned about Peter and how much she misses him and wishes she treated him better, never called him a loser. She apologize over and over until she makes herself sick. Then she’d move on.

Peter figured if he was dead, he’d be okay with going to Hell. He wasn’t a very religious person, but the underworld felt like a pretty decent punishment for all the pain he’s put everyone through. Peter also thought that maybe he void avoid death all together. He didn’t have to die to punish himself. He had scars on his thighs to prove it.

If there’s anything Peter Parker learned from his first therapy session, he needed to be punished, he needed to stop being so selfish, and Mister Doctor Telson has stale chips.

 Mister Doctor Telson learned this would be harder than expected.

**Author's Note:**

> The character in this part of the series is based off of my 7th grade science teacher Mr. Telson. He was the most caring and kind individual I have ever met in my life, and I will never forget all he’s done for me. I’m older now, and if I’m being honest, I don’t think I’d be alive today if he hadn’t been there the fateful day I broke. Middle school was rough, but he made it bearable in the end. 
> 
> I’ll always think of him as my best friend, and I wish him the best. I’ll remember him when I grow older and wonder how I ever survived. It was him. I survived because he noticed something was off and decided to help. I’ll care for him as he cared for me, always.


End file.
